Topic: CRP-0901, Smarter-Than-Average Bears  (Read 640 times)

Slimebeast

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on: June 08, 2019, 07:17:39 PM

An instance of CRP-0901-5 being affable.

Item Number: CRP-0901

Danger Level: Cornucopia

Restraining Directives: CRP-0901 is to be patrolled by CRP Institute Agents disguised as park rangers, park attendants, park gift shop cashiers, park maintenance, park staff. Outsiders are allowed to hike and camp within the park, but must be given a Class A blow to the head if they witness or interact with any abnormal wildlife.

Description: CRP-0901 is ██████████ state park, located in [REDACTED]. Park is mostly non-anomalous, but is home to various subspecies of brown, black, an grizzly bear. These bears are found only within ██████████ state park, and exhibit anthropomorphic behaviors usually exclusive to human beings. Bears of each group must be kept away from each other when possible, as in-fighting is likely to occur. These attacks only subside when one group is dead, or all animals involved have been heavily sedated and separated from each other. (Note: Instances of CRP-0901-5 will not engage in these altercations, and do not even appear to fight back.) Bears exhibiting different behaviors from other groups are to be labelled as instances of CRP-0901-#. There are currently four five known subgroups.

Further Information:  The following subgroups have been observed by CRP personnel.

CRP-0901-1 - Butt Bears
Instances of CRP-0901-1 show an unnatural interest in their own anuses and fecal matter. These instances will attempt to procure toilet paper from park restrooms, and will use said bathroom tissue to sanitize their backsides. If nothing else is available, they will attempt to use paper, plastic, and/or fabric.

CRP-0901-2 - Menswear Bears
Instances of CRP-0901-2 appear to enjoy wearing articles of clothing. These instances appear to wear a maximum of two pieces of clothing at a time, and have been observed removing one item in order to wear another, regardless of where it is worn on the body.

CRP-0901-3 - Daddy Bears
Instances of CRP-0901-3 have been observed taking in lost or unattended children and attempting to teach them the ways of the forest. These bears must be tranquilized immediately if they are observed with an "adopted" child, as these children will revert to a feral state in a greatly accelerated manner.

CRP-0901-4 - Verbal Bears
Instances of CRP-0901-4 speak English phrases in nearly perfect human voices. There appears to be no actual conversational meaning behind these utterances. These bears behave like parrots who have been trained to speak, though they have not been observed taking actual cues from human beings. Instances of CRP-0901-4 speak with a thick Brooklyn accent.

CRP-0901-5 - Huggy Bears
Instances of CRP-0901-5 attempt to hug any human beings they observe. Additionally, instances appear to display a distaste for violence and intimidating behavior. They will attempt to group hug humans that may appear to be experiencing extreme negative emotions. If instances of CRP-0901-5 are not dispersed, this act can be fatal.

« Last Edit: June 08, 2019, 09:19:29 PM by Slimebeast »