CRP-0035, Bitter Wine
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Posted by Slimebeast on: March 07, 2020, 06:53:38 AM

CRP-0035, looking particularly skeptical.

Item Number: CRP-0035

Danger Level: Magnum

Restraining Directives: CRP-0035 is to be stored in a climate-controlled room kept between 60° to 65° Fahrenheit at all times. CRP-0035 is to be stored "face-up" on a clean, even surface.

Description: CRP-0035 is an anomalous wine stain left on an otherwise unremarkable bar napkin. Tests have conclusively revealed that said wine is a full-bodied Cabernet Sauvignon. Brand of wine is believed to be ████ ████████, though this has not been determined with certainty. Wine stain appears to resemble the face of a woman in her mid-20s to mid-30s. CRP-0035's face moves freely across the paper's surface and changes expressions often. CRP-0035 also appears to look toward and focus on nearby people and objects.

When placed near an empty glass vessel, CRP-0035 appears capable of communicating via vibration of said glass. The frequency of sound is easily received by the human ear. CRP-0035's "voice", as it were, is described as pleasant-sounding, yet sorrowful. CRP-0035 often complains about inter-personal relationships and the thoughtless behavior of humans in general.

CRP-0035 occasionally refuses to interact for no known reason while briefly insisting "Nothing's wrong" and/or "I'm not upset". When pressed to speak further, CRP-0035 may scream, shattering any nearby glass objects used for attempted communication.

[NOTE: At this time, researchers who wear eyeglasses are discouraged from interacting with CRP-0035 on her moodier days.]

CRP-0035 was discovered at ███ █████ ██████, a high-class bar that was using it to entertain customers. Loose testimony from patrons and bar staff point to CRP-0035 first appearing after a particularly busy "Ladies' Night" event. All subjects exposed to CRP-0035 outside of the institute have been slipped a class 3 mickey.

Further Information:

Research log CRP-0035.

[CRP researcher Dr. Z.B. Widdershins places an empty wine glass near CRP-0035, who regards it with a sideways glance.]

Dr. Z.B. Widdershins: Hello. Are you willing to communicate with us today?

[CRP-0035 rolls its eyes.]

Dr. Z.B. Widdershins: My name is Dr. Widdershins.

CRP-0035: Ooh. A Doctor. How impressive.

Dr. Z.B. Widdershins: I like to think so. What is your name?

CRP-0035: Oh, I don't know. June? April? August? A thirty-day experience you'll forget with the turn of a calendar page. Seems fitting.

Dr. Z.B. Widdershins: Let me rephrase that, what would you like to be called?

CRP-0035: Called?

[CRP-0035 snickers coldly.]

CRP-0035: I suppose I'd be happy to even get a call in the first place.

Dr. Z.B. Widdershins: We'll come back to this, I guess. Uhm... Do you know where you came from? How were you created?

CRP-0035: Same as anyone. A little dinner, a little drink, a little friendly violence. Nine months of wondering whose paperwork is getting inked by hubby at his nine to five... Reminding yourself that's all she is. Office stationary. Mindlessly doodled with a permanent pen. Folded, creased, crumpled up into a ball and thrown away. Recycled if she's lucky.

Dr. Z.B. Widdershins: I didn't understand any of that.

CRP-0035: Color me surprised, dear.

Dr. Z.B. Widdershins: You seem quite... (long pause) Who hurt you?

CRP-0035: Who hasn't?

Dr. Z.B. Widdershins: Alright, this is... I see Dr. Lei gesturing... yes, I see you. You can see me, too, and you see I'm ignoring you. CRP-0035 if you need to talk, I'm here. This isn't really part of the procedure, but I'm right here if you need me.

CRP-0035: Oh. (Long pause.) How do I say this? Red wine doesn't go with fish, sweetheart.

Dr. Z.B. Widdershins: What do you-? Er... I'm not a lesbian, I'm just trying to be of assistance.

CRP-0035: That's what everyone says, but trying is never quite doing, is it?

[Dr. E.K. Lei enters the room, terminating the conversation.]

Researchers are heretofore prohibited from speaking with CRP-0035 until it can be determined if the object influences human emotions or if Dr. Z.B. Widdershins is simply an emotionally weak person.

« Last Edit: March 07, 2020, 07:34:39 PM by Slimebeast »