CRP-0020, Everyone's Best Friend
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Posted by Slimebeast on: June 22, 2019, 12:56:42 AM

CRP-0020-1, sans chapeau.

Item Number: CRP-0020

Danger Level: Delta Plaid

Restraining Directives: CRP-0020-1 and CRP-0020-2 may be stored together in a standard CRP storage crate. However, these two objects should not be combined in any fashion unless for the purpose of approved testing. CRP-0020-1 may be used as a normal hat rack if one should be required by CRP personnel, and CRP-0020-2 may be worn as a normal hat if needed. However, these objects may not leave CRP property and must be returned to proper storage after each use.

Description: CRP-0020 consists of a classic, standing wooden hat rack with silver hooks, as well as a feathered homburg-style hat with a pheasant feather in the hat band. This rack has been classified as CRP-0020-1, and the hat is regarded as CRP-0020-2. These objects have no known anomalous properties when separate. When CRP-0020-2 is hung on any of CRP-0020-1's hooks, their anomalous properties may be observed.

Human subjects who come in contact with the combined items will see them as a whole person. This person, known as CRP-0020-3, will appear to be their "best friend". The name of CRP-0020-3 changes depending on the person viewing CRP-0020. When questioned later, subjects claim not to have any such friend by this name.

During testing, subjects viewing CRP-0020 will act as if they are in a deep conversation with CRP-0020. The topic will always center on a common interest, such as a specific sports team or a hobby such as scrap-booking. At a random point in this conversation, an argument breaks out between the subject and CRP-0020, at which point the subject will shove and CRP-0020 and knock it over. If CRP-0020-2 remains on the hook, the subject will apologize and help CRP-0020-1 back onto its feet. If CRP-0020-2 is separated from CRP-0020-1 in the scuffle, the subject will believe they have committed murder and will attempt to flee the area in a manic state. This may include risk of grievous injury to the subject and/or those between them and freedom.

CRP-0020-1 shows no anomalous properties when combined with other hats.

CRP-0020-2 shows no anomalous properties when placed on other hat racks.

Further Information: The following is a log of a discussion between Dr. P.D. Melmoud and CRP-0020-3.

DR. MELMOUD: Holy shit! Gerry?! Oh my God, what's it been? Ten years? Fifteen?

CRP-0020-3: [is a hat rack with hat]

DR. MELMOUD: [turning to Dr. M.K. Banquet's viewing lens] Dr. B, look! This is Gerry, my best friend!

DR. BANQUET: [via intercom] I thought I was your best friend.

CRP-0020-3: [is a hat rack with hat]

DR. MELMOUD: Oh, yeah, still working on my model ships. I'm about half-way through a baque.

CRP-0020-3: [is a hat rack with hat]

DR. MELMOUD: Three masts, actually.

CRP-0020-3: [is a hat rack with hat]

DR. MELMOUD: Not to be a dick, old buddy, but it has three.

CRP-0020-3: [is a hat rack with hat]

DR. MELMOUD: Are you kidding? You're not serious.

CRP-0020-3: [is a hat rack with hat]

DR. MELMOUD: What?!

CRP-0020-3: [is a hat rack with hat]

DR. MELMOUD: Take that back! You take it back, or so help me!

[after a brief moment, Dr. P.D. Melmoud rushes CRP-0020-3 and tackles it to the floor]

DR. MELMOUD: AAA! BETRAYER!!

[Dr. P.D. Melmoud stands, visibly noting that CRP-0020-1 and CRP-0020-2 are still together, though they are now lying horizontal]

DR. MELMOUD: I... wow. I'm sorry, Gerry. I don't know what came over me. It's just that... well, model ships are my one release from all the pressures of the Institute, and... I don't know. Just don't make fun of it anymore, alright? Again, I'm really sorry.

[Dr. P.D. Melmoud places CRP-0020 upright]

Dr. P.D. Melmoud seemed confused following testing, and explained that he's never known anyone named Gerry. When questioned about the conversation, he claimed to have been looking at CRP-0020 calmly while waiting for something anomalous to happen, until it suddenly fell over.

« Last Edit: June 22, 2019, 02:04:24 AM by Slimebeast »




 

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