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Messages - Slimebeast

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The CRP Institute / CRP-0427, Angry Clipart
« on: March 16, 2019, 11:56:43 PM »

A screenshot of CRP-0427 after being closed for 30 days.

Item Number: CRP-0427

Danger Level: Off-Putting

Restraining Directives: CRP-0427 is kept in a folder named "New Folder (27)" on computer terminal JJ-10 in CRP computer lab ███-████. It is to be displayed on a monitor at all times.

Description: CRP-0427 is a PNG format image file depicting various stock images of objects and models. The image depicted by CRP-0427 changes on occasion, seeming to follow a course of events set in a separate "world" within the image file itself. For example, CRP-0427 may depict a single bowl of cereal on a white backdrop in the morning. It may then switch to two smiling young women enjoying lunch at a country club by noon. Images are static and do not move, however the image will alter itself when it isn't being watched. CRP-0427 has been noted to change during the span of a blink.

Human beings depicted by CRP-0427 change randomly, and at this time it is not known if they ever appear more than once. Objects, on the other hand, repeat often. In fact, multiple copy/paste-style instances of the same object may appear in the same scenario. Models and objects always appear to be poorly edited together with little to no visible attempt at making the scenes appear natural.

When CRP-0427 is closed for any reason, its "inhabitants" become enraged and will be depicted in an agitated state when the image file is re-opened. Minor discontent may be expressed by a single model looking toward the viewer with a displeased expression. The longer the file is closed, however, the more models appear in a gradually increased state of outrage. Power outages and system crashes are (quite unfairly) treated the same as a purposeful closing of the file.

CRP-0427 was downloaded from [REDACTED].com for use in a CRP Institute newsletter. When its anomalous properties were discovered, white hat hackers associated with CRP permanently removed it from the website. The only known instance of this file is now in CRP custody.

Screenshots and photos of CRP-0427 do not display any anomalous properties.

The CRP Institute / CRP-0024, Flip-Out Flip-Book
« on: March 12, 2019, 01:26:24 AM »
Item Number: CRP-0024

Danger Level: Pretty Bad

Restraining Directives: Object is to be kept on the shelf of inappropriate literature in containment library 12-C.

Description: This is a small flip-book with "FLIP-OUT FRANK" emblazoned on the cover in red, scratchy lettering. When flipping the book front-to-back (as is standard), animated scenes of a round little man in a business suit will appear. The scenario changes between uses, but all center on this small man, presumed to be "Frank", suffering some sort of unpleasant event. This includes scenes such as a broken-down car, a lost wallet, and a blow to the head from a falling flower pot. After each event, "Frank" will thrash on the ground. Flipping the book backward (the incorrect manner) appears to reveal a separate animation to the user, which cannot be perceived by anyone not holding the book. After the animation has concluded, the user exclaims "Poor Frank!" and immediately collapses to floor, thrashing wildly before slipping into a comatose state.

Further Information:  The following entries provide a brief example of story lines that have been recorded by researchers. Backward story lines seemingly cannot be explained by the user, and needless to say they cannot be described when the user is comatose.

Researcher: Dr. P.M. Wibbles
Story Title: "Let Me Bee Frank"
Plot: Frank wants honey for his toast. Finding none in the kitchen, he proceeds to harass a bee's nest. He is stung several times before falling to the ground and thrashing in apparent agony.

Researcher: Dr. H.M. Krimpet
Story Title: "Frank's On Empty"
Plot: Frank runs out of gas in a small desert town and is violently beaten by mutant rednecks. He is doused with gasoline, set on fire, and left thrashing in apparent agony.

Researcher: Dr. L.L. Lullaby
Story Title: "Frank and Stein"
Plot: Frank orders a beer at a bar, and is served a poisonous chemical by a mad scientist bartender. He vomits repeatedly, then falls onto the floor and thrashes in apparent agony.

Researcher: Dr. O.S. Chambermail
Story Title: "Happy Franksgiving"
Plot: Frank joins a group of characters, presumed to be his family, for a traditional Thanksgiving holiday dinner. After he is surprised to find no food is being served, Frank is struck on the head with a meat tenderizer. He wakes up on the table, as a prepared turkey with a human head. He thrashes in apparent agony as he is carved.

Testing with pages torn or cut out of the book is pending approval.

The Game "Two Crude Dudes" Was Based on a True Story. Mine. And Another Dude's.

m/NoStory / I Think Someone is Planning to Illegally Kill Me
« on: March 11, 2019, 03:45:24 PM »
I think someone is planning to illegally kill me...

m/NoStory / I'm a Dead Clown and this is my LAST Birthday Party
« on: March 11, 2019, 03:45:00 PM »
I'm a dead clown and this is my LAST birthday party.

Site Information (READ ME!) / How to write for
« on: March 05, 2019, 01:53:48 AM »

I'm Slimebeast. But you don't care about that.

You want to know how to write an article, review, CRP Institute entry, or m/NoStory title for the front page of this site.

Well, it's simple... this site is actually all based on a message board script with HEAVY modifications. Every article you read, ever CRP entry, etc. is actually a post on a forum. :O So all you need to is...

  • Register for the forum.
  • Write your content. (Please make sure it's typo-free, has sweet grammar, and is in a "finished" format.)
  • Find the appropriate board.
  • Post!

Content will automatically appear on the front page... immediately!

But isn't this exploitable?


Sure, we all know that SyFy Channel original movies exist. But what about others that don't?

Here are 15 words and phrases that sound like SyFy Channel original movies, but aren't.

15.) Clown Cop
Officer Sprinkles is the latest recruit on the Barnum City Police Force. This hard-nosed, red-nosed cop has a FUNNY concept of justice.

14.) Flameingo vs. Zombuzzard
You got to the end of Flameingo. You tolerated Zombuzzard. Now, these cult not-quite-classics collide in a one hour and forty-five minute event!

13.) Shoenivore: The Sneaker That Snacks
Once you try on the hot new sports shoe, you'll never take it off!

12.) Birth Of An Abomi-Nation
When a Civil War era steampunk mech is let loose on a modern-day populace, the history of the American South becomes problematic.

11.) Skeletrons: Rise of the Bonebots
They're not Autobots. They're not Decepticons. We're legally obligated to mention that.

10.) Cop Shark
When a grizzled police officer who's one day from retirement is shot, his spirit returns... in great white shark form!

09.) Y2K Bugs Eat The Mayan Calendar
In the year 2000, the world ended. Then, in the year 2012, the world ended again. Now it's ending... for the last time!

08.) 1Eye-1Horn_Giant.Purple.PPL.Eatr
In this modern reimagining of the classic song, a strange monster from a streaming music service preys on digital pirates.

07.) Venus Die-Trap
For countless millennia, this plant-based fiend has remained untouched. Now it's gonna touch you - to death!

06.) Climate Strange: Global Worming
Just like Al Gore predicted, the worms are here... they're huge.... they're hungry... and it's all thanks to big polluters!

05.) Night Screechers
What screeches in the night? The audience member with the best idea gets their explanation in the sequel!

04.) Pizzapocalypse vs. Catastraghetti
An Italian restaurant owner (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) is the only man standing between humanity and the deadliest heartburn.

03.) Rabbitrocity
How do you stop a horde of man-eating, egg-flinging Easter Bunnies that multiply like their namesake?!

02.) Shark Cop
When a grizzled great white shark who's one day from retirement is shot, his spirit returns... in police officer form!

01.) Brutolph the Dead-Nosed Paindeer
He'll guide his OWN slaying tonight!

m/NoStory / I'm Pretty Sure This is Just a Normal Shoe (Part 1 of 27)
« on: March 04, 2019, 12:33:40 AM »
I'm pretty sure this is just a normal shoe.


From the 1980s Ghostbusters toy line comes this musclebound maniac who is into sports and... wants you in his backside right now...

"Who you gonna call?" - Chris Hansen, you creepy sons of bitches!

The Ghostbusters line at one point included a series of "Haunted Humans" with various frightening and absurd hidden features. While most of the line was forgettable, like "X-Cop" whose facade simply drops to reveal a crude skeleton, the all-star winner of this series of missteps was Tombstone Tackle.

He's your average beefy jock, but when you turn him around and press down on the back of his head, (tee hee) a gruesome face barfing a movable evil football is revealed!

So the anal monster barfs out a smaller creature it vored.
Get bent Al Gore, this guy invented the internet.

I suppose the concept was that a sports stadium somehow became haunted, and one of the team members became possessed.

Then, when he's about to hike the ball to the QB... SURPRISE! Ass monster.

Note for the locker room: Don't snap him across the hams with a wet towel - you'll give the poor, cursed freak a nosebleed.

However, outside that very specific scenerio, you realize that this guy is designed entirely around bending over and surprising a vulnerable and unsuspecting victim. Tombstone Tackle starts to seem less like a fearsome football fiend and more like an urban legend concerning truck stop restrooms.

"Don't go drivin' 'round about midnight... but if ya have to, don't use the men's room. You never know if that inconspicuous male prostitute in full football garb might be the back door butcher."

Imagine how horrified little Timmy was when his mother misunderstood the request for that new "butt toy."

If Tombstone Tackle is not in Ghostbusters 3, played by Duane "The Rock" Johnson, I'm going to boycott the film. And no, I'm not just saying "Ghostbusters 3" for the traffic. Ghostbusters 3 three sequel prequel casting cast news update information new movie film natalie portman.


He's very excited to show you his verwandelbar.

In Germany or some other place I know equally little about, the "Haunted Humans" were known as "Spukis," and our beloved Tombstone Tackle became "Gary Grossmaul."

The backdoor butcher has a name, and it's Gary.

If you grew up with Jeff the Killer, or at least knew of him during your younger years, I have some bad news for you.

You're old, out of touch, and rapidly dying.

Jeff has been replaced with a new goofy-faced weirdo who likes to give dumb people nightmares, and - guess what? It's current year, and the future of nightmare fuel is female.

Deal with it.

Who or what is Jeff the Killer?

As far as anyone seems to know, "Jeff the Killer" began as an image meme. The photo, crudely manipulated to be "scary", features an unknown person of undetermined gender. This face was Photoshopped to be stark white, with lidless eyes and an elongated smile.

The original legend surrounding this image focused on the idea that viewers would die after viewing it. However, Jeff's most widely accepted back story is that he's a 13 year old, credited to a fellow by the name of "Sesseur".

Oh... A 13 year old that likes to hurt people, and was bleached... and set on fire... and cut off his eyelids... and cut his mouth open... and is a serial killer... and tells people to "Go To Sleep". He has a brother, and parents, and they're all dead or not dead depending on which sequels and spin-offs you read.

Essentially, at this point in time, a series of fan fictions and erotic novellas have corrupted and twisted the original creation beyond it's intended purpose.

Who or what is Momo?

"Momo" is a physical art object created by Japanese sculptor Keisuke Aiso. It features the (deformed) head of a woman and (more or less) the body of a bird. It's basically John Carpenter's Shelley Duvall.

As with most "super spoopy" images, Momo quickly caught attention of the Internet Meme Community™. It wasn't long before the image was cropped to show only the face before being spread across the web as "totally real u guys" and "not fake I swears".

Currently, the media is having a feargasm over a "game" associated with the image. (The Momo Challenge.) One that supposedly encourages children and teens to commit go to sleep. No factual evidence supports this rumor - but who cares?

What are the similarities?

Both the Jeff and Momo image memes...

  • Began internet life as a random image.
  • Have black hair.
  • Have no eyelids.
  • Have goofy extended smiles.
  • Supposedly caused harm by viewing.
  • Suck.
  • Are stupid.
  • Aren't magic.
  • Can't hurt you.
  • Have never hurt anyone.

What are the ramifications?

While Jeff existed in the early days of "Creepypasta", and has survived mainly by being grandfathered in, Momo exists in a post-Slender-stabbing world. Creepy internet phenomena now has a mild stigma attached to it, and anything encouraging or thought to encourage violence will be blown way out of proportion.

So while Jeff has lived a long an depressing life, (watch for the Blumhouse movie some day soon, I guarantee it) Momo is more likely to quickly disappear into the bowels of the interner.

Especially since the original sculptor destroyed Momo. (But let's be honest - a rotting Momo crawling through trash is infinitely more unsettling.)

So which one is better?


At least it's actual art.

The CRP Institute / CRP-0575, Creative Origami Bird
« on: March 02, 2019, 08:29:44 PM »

CRP-0575 in folded state.

Item Number: CRP-0575

Danger Level: Lite

Restraining Directives: CRP-0575 is to be kept in a standard wire bird cage measuring around 36.2'' high by 18.1'' tall by 13.9'' wide. The floor of said bird cage is to be lined with newspaper featuring written articles and few images. Writing is to be placed facing upward. Newspaper is to be replaced on a daily basis.

Description: CRP-0575 is a small sheet of featureless white parchment, carefully folded into the shape of an origami bird; specifically a sparrow. CRP-0575 measures 6" in length. CRP-0575 is ambulatory, and behaves similar to a living, organic bird of said species. It will hop, fly, and move its beak as if singing, though no sound is produced. When provided with a mirror, CRP-0575 will attempt to court its reflection.

CRP-0575 does not appear to require food or water in a normal sense, but will hunt and peck for written letters. Ingested letters are completely removed from surfaces while leaving said surface blank and unharmed. Letters consumed can be printed in ink, written with a writing utensil, or painted. Small letters are consumed easily, while larger letters are methodically consumed in sections.

Once CRP-0575 has eaten enough letters, it will begin behaving as if preening its feathers. In actuality, CRP-0575 is unfolding itself. Once unfolded, CRP-0575 becomes a normal section of parchment with no visible creases. Letters previously consumed then appear on the page in the form of a standard haiku. Poems gradually fade within the span of seventy minutes, then vanish entirely, at which point CRP-0575 will fold itself back into an origami sparrow.

The Haikus created by CRP-0575 range from thought-provoking to nonsensical, depending on whether or not it is able to locate suitable letters during its consuming phase.

Further Information: The following is a list of CRP-0575's more notable haikus, as recorded by CRP researchers.

(CRP-0575 provided with a large selection of pages from a dictionary. Subject appears excited.)
Soft as the willow
A trunk as strong as iron
So too do I bend

(CRP-0575 provided with several pages from █████ fashion magazine. Subject appears contented.)
Water around me
Is this a sea I swim in
An ocean of tears

(CRP-0575 provided with a hand-written page of very few random letters. Subject appears confused.)
Basking in the sun
She reaches out for my hand
Lemon sofa pants

When presented with over a thousand pages consisting of only the letter Q, subject CRP-575 refused to eat. It eventually became sluggish and bit several researchers, causing painful paper cuts.

I know why Rick Moranis really quit show business; he was eaten by slugs.

My slutty dead sister keeps borrowing my favorite dress... and ruining it!

Site Information (READ ME!) / How to write for the CRP Institute
« on: February 27, 2019, 07:04:55 PM »

1.) It doesn't have to be funny. Just be interesting.

2.) It's better if you don't go overboard. (Optional for comedic effect, generally kills the fun if it's overdrawn, super dramatic, and/or "epic".)

3.) Use this format for your subject:

CRP-####, Name of Entry

(Use 3 to 4 numbers. Use the comma!)

4.) Don't re-use a number. Check to make sure the one you want isn't taken, first.


Code: [Select]
[b][color=orange]Item Number:[/color][/b] CRP-####

[b][color=orange]Danger Level:[/color][/b] Whatever you damn hell ass want to write here.

[b][color=orange]Restraining Directives:[/color][/b] The methods by which this thing is contained and/or protected.

[b][color=orange]Description:[/color][/b] You know what to write here. The description. Duh.

[b][color=orange]Further Information:[/color][/b] (Optional if needed.)

For a simple shortcut, just copy this to redact stuff: █

Blanking out info in a variety of ways is encouraged but not required. It also gets annoying if used TOO much.



Play it by ear, try to do what fits best.

Site Information (READ ME!) / How to write for m/NoStory
« on: February 26, 2019, 11:52:09 PM »
Rule #1: The body of your post can ONLY include the exact text of the subject line. You may change the punctuation, spacing, etc.
Rule #2: The subject of your post should be a mini-story. IE: "I Went To Wal-Mart And Discovered The Secret To Low Prices: MURDER."
Rule #3: Try to be funny, but try not to be stupid. XD

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