CRP-0100, Crossfire Forest
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Posted by Slimebeast on: April 15, 2020, 10:00:54 PM

CRP-0100, being a forest

Item Number: CRP-0100

Danger Level: Some kind of shade of teal?

Restraining Directives: A mile-wide radius around CRP-0100 is to be marked with high-visibility "No Trespassing", "Private Property", and "No Hunting" signs. Any trespassers who experience the anomalous effects of CRP-0100 are to receive a class B gaslighting, and must be convinced that reckless hunters shot toward them. If a trespasser has been shot, the bullet must be recovered by CRP Institute staff by any means necessary.

Description: CRP-0100 is a 100x100 foot square of thickly wooded forest, located in an otherwise nondescript area within ███████ forest in ██████, █████ ████████. Trees, underbrush, soil, animals, and insects within CRP-0100 do not appear to be anomalous.

Bullets are periodically fired within CRP-0100, though no weapons of origin exist and no sounds of gunfire can be heard. Said bullets appear to fly at random trajectories and will flora and/or fauna, causing damage consistent with any normal similar projectile. Bullets fired within CRP-0100 have been observed to proceed beyond the limits of CRP-0100 if they do not strike a solid surface within the limits of CRP-0100.

All projectiles recovered from entry marks in or around CRP-0100 appear to be made of extremely compressed cellulose with the strength of typical lead or lead alloy bullets.

Further Information:

Test subject T-9987 was sent into CRP-0100 with a wireless camera, a communications device, and enough camping gear and provisions to stay there for a 24 hour period. T-9987 was selected for testing by G.M. Vanderloop, who was apparently a frequent victim of T-9987's bullying in middle school.

G.M. Vanderloop: T-9987 are you at the designated camp site? Do you see the orange marker?

T-9987:  Yeah, nerd.

G.M. Vanderloop: Describe what you see for the record.

T-9987: Trees 'n shit. Bushes 'n whatnot. Damn birds, I hear you. Fuck.

G.M. Vanderloop: Set up camp.

T-9987: [whistling]

At this point, T-9987 sets up camp, starts a campfire, and eats two cans of beans. Nothing eventful happens for several hours as T-9987 and G.M. Vanderloop exchange non-pleasantries. After nearly five hours, the sound of a small impact can be heard.

T-9987: Damn!

G.M. Vanderloop: What was that?

Another small impact is audible.

T-9987: Damn!

G.M. Vanderloop: Describe what's happening or use the camera to show us.

Another small impact is autible.

T-9987: Oh damn!

Another small impact is audible.

T-9987: Daaaaamn!

G.M. Vanderloop: T-9987, need I remind you of what the CRP Institute does to non-compliant test subjects?

T-9987: Yo. For real, though. Someone's out here just shootin'. Like crazy shootin' all over the place. I'm about to get hit!

G.M. Vanderloop: They're random. Lie flat on the ground and you should be completely fine.

T-9987: You just telling me this now?! Fuck you, man. I laid my ass down.

G.M. Vanderloop: Hold up the camera and angle it toward any impact areas.

T-9987: And lose an arm? [laughter]

Another small impact is audible.

G.M. Vanderloop: Remember when you held my head in the girls' toilet and I was too weak to fight it? We have a giant, six-armed serpent that's ripped as Hell, and a toilet that backs up with magma. I can make things happen, T-9987.

T-9987: Shit. Okay, look around all you want, pencil-neck. Fuck.

T-9987 angles the camera toward a visibly smoking bullet hole in a nearby tree trunk.

G.M. Vanderloop: Interesting.

T-9987: I hope the fuck so!

Another small impact is audible.

T-9987: Holy shit, that squirrel got GOT.

No further impacts are heard. Eventually, T-9987 builds up the courage to return to his feet at G.M. Vanderloop's insistence. No further events of note occur for the remainder of testing, save for one brief interaction.

G.M. Vanderloop: Alright, I think that's it. You made it through the night. I won't say I'm happy for you.

T-9987: Hey, you ever look at these branches, man?

G.M. Vanderloop: We've looked at everything. It's what we do.

T-9987: Alright, whatever. Just seems like some got holes in the ends of 'em is all.

Testing concluded pending further discussion. If new discoveries are made based on the above testing, under no circumstances is T-9987 to be told he was right.

« Last Edit: April 18, 2020, 07:40:34 PM by Slimebeast »