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Messages - Slimebeast

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Yikes! Customer Reviews / Expandingland
« on: May 21, 2019, 04:35:34 AM »
Business Name: Expandingland Semi-Finite Funpark

Owner/Proprietor: Xilas P. Mourningdove

Description: Welcome to Expandingland, the semi-finite funpark! Expandingland sprawls beyond your wildest dreams and grows to surpass your imagination! Water slides, wild rides, holiday towns, and hidden clowns are just a short car trip away! Located up the highway, past the rest stop, and just around the corner, Expandingland always has room for new families!

New this season! Find our huge hall of mirrors! Four football fields of confuse-o-tainment!

Just A Tip: Listen To Those "Do Not Apply To Anus" Warnings.

Dead people don't talk to me, they just lie there. It's boring.

Yikes! Customer Reviews / Re: Burgrr Inc.
« on: May 19, 2019, 08:18:55 PM »
Rating: ★★★★★

Customer: Minke Glimdo

Review: As a normal customer about town, I often find myself looking FOR FLABULOUS TAST OF DELIVIOUS MEATS. Normally, fast food locations MAKE A DISAPOINTMENTT TO MY SALIVA BRAIN with poor customer service, low-quality food, and untidy dining areas. BURBAGER INK. is the one exception. Every dining experience at BUNGR HAVE BEEN A VERRRY LIP-LICKIN DEVOUR full of GREEABLE COSTUMER GRATATUDE and plenty of SEVERAL SELECTABLE QUANTITY. I would highly recommend this eating establishment to all of my CIMILAR LIFEFROMS. IM UNBIAS AN DONT WORK AT IT.

List Bait / Top 10 Horror Movies Reimagined As NoSleep Titles
« on: May 18, 2019, 02:23:01 AM »
If there's one thing we find delicious, it's low-hanging fruit... and when it comes to short internet-based horror fiction, few hang lower than NoSleep titles. In the interest of earning some cheap laughs with the least possible amount of effort... here are the top 10 horror movies reimagined as NoSleep titles!

10.) I'm The Sheriff Of A Small Town, And I Suspect These Shark-Related Deaths Are Connected - (Jaws)

09.) I Don't Know Enough About Horror Movies. Please Help Me! - (Scream)

08.) We Burned A Pedophile Several Years Ago. He's Back. In Our Dreams. - (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

07.) We Burned A Pedophile Several Years Ago. He's Back. In Our Dreams. (Part 2) - (A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2)

06.) I Use To Love Celebrating Halloween. Now I Hate It Because Of All The Murders. - (Halloween)

05.) One Of The Girls At Summer Camp Is Killing Us All. (And She Has A Penis!) - (Sleepaway Camp)

04.) I Think I'm Pregnant. I'm A Man. - (Alien)

03.) If You See A Clown In The Sewer, DO NOT Take His Balloon! Trust Me. - (IT)

02.) Did Anyone Else Have A "Good Guy" Doll As A Kid? I Did, But I Think It Was Defective. - (Child's Play)

01.) I Threw A Special Needs Kid In A Lake, And Now I Wish I Hadn't. - (Friday the 13th)

Yikes! Customer Reviews / Hodgepodge Motor Lodge
« on: May 12, 2019, 06:24:05 PM »

Business Name: Hodgepodge Motor Lodge

Owner/Proprietor: Martin & Marie Talbot

Description: Welcome to the Hodgepodge Motor Lodge! Owned and operated by beloved local couple Martin & Marie Talbot, this quaint, historic motel offers modern amenities. Each room is themed and hand-decorated to be an immersive experience, with special built-in features that will keep you engaged. From the romantic Vampire's Castle room, to the high-tech Advanced AI room, the Hodgepodge Motor Lodge is more than a place to spend the night. It's an experience you'll warn others about for years to come!

Ask about our unique floor plan. There's always a vacancy because there's always a new room!

Rotten Toadstools / Re: Depravers (1987)
« on: May 10, 2019, 07:20:15 PM »
🍄 (Moldy)

Reviewer: Neil Wimply - BlandFeed.meh

Review: Depravers takes an interesting concept and buries it deeper than a murder victim. Mindy Stamper's "Harmony" is a likable lead, and a formidable final girl, but the rest of the cast seems to be phoning it in (from inside the house). The film is more concerned with setting up a sequel than giving the audience a complete plot that makes logical sense.

Site Information (READ ME!) / How to write for Rotten Toadstools
« on: May 09, 2019, 10:31:21 PM »
"Rotten Toadstools" is a movie and television review site for LOST MEDIA. Wooo. This just means everything's made up.

The person who starts the thread gives a basic idea of the movie/show. Reviews then "fill in the blanks" by saying they liked or didn't like characters, scenes, and so on. Please be respectful and stay in-theme with the original poster's vision. For example, if it's a Horror movie, don't review it as if it were a Romantic Comedy.

Start a thread for a new movie or show.
Reply to a thread to review the movie or show the thread is about.

New threads must have this subject setup: MOVIETITLE (YEARONLY)

For example: The Stinkman (2018)

Television show title example: Family Friends (2016-2019)

New thread template:

Code: [Select]
[b][color=orange]Title:[/color][/b] MOVIETITLE (YEARONLY)
[b][color=orange]Rating:[/color][/b] FORMOVIE: G, PG, PG-13, R, OR NC-17 - FORTV: TV-Y, TV-G, TV-PG, TV-14, OR TV-MA
[b][color=orange]Genre:[/color][/b] GENREHERE
[b][color=orange]Studio:[/color][/b] PRODUCTIONSTUDIONAME

[b][color=orange]Rating:[/color][/b] [color=COLORNAME]🍄[/color] ##% (FRESHNESS)

[b][color=orange]Description:[/color][/b] DESCRIPTIONHERE

For "Rating:" put ONE rating mark that fits your listing. For example, PG-13 is for movies with some adult content, but not much.  R is for movies with lots of adult content.

If you can't think of a "Studio:" name, you can use "Signal Motion Pictures & Television".

For "COLORNAME" you will put GREEN or PURPLE.
Green is for anything BELOW 50%.
Purple is for anything 50% and above.

For "FRESHNESS" write "Moldy" for anything BELOW 50%.
Write "Magic" for anything 50% and above.


Code: [Select]
[size=24pt][color=COLORHERE]🍄[/color] (FRESHNESS)[/size]

[color=orange][b]Reviewer:[/b][/color] REVIEWERNAME - PUBLICATION

[color=orange][b]Review:[/b][/color] REVIEWHERE

For "PUBLICATION", please don't use an actual domain name. Use .bork, .meh, .blah, or whatever you want. Using .com or .net might accidentally lead people to some weird site they shouldn't be on.

Rotten Toadstools / Depravers (1987)
« on: April 30, 2019, 07:42:50 PM »

Title: Depravers (1987)
Rating: R
Genre: Horror
Studio: Signal Motion Pictures & Television

Rating: 🍄 51% (Magic)

Description: Dr. Blatter, a disgraced small-town physician (played by Peter Sturgeon), has a plan for revenge. After kidnapping a random assortment of local citizens, the good doctor straps them into black hoods laced with a special chemical concoction. One that turns them into the ultra-violent, morally abhorrent "Depravers"!

Yikes! Customer Reviews / Re: Bubba Schitt's Family Slophouse
« on: April 28, 2019, 01:54:04 AM »
Rating: ★★★★★

Customer: Bubba Phuck

Review: I walked myself on into this friendly family eatin' establishment an' found the most respectful and courteous staff I've ever done seen. The service was great. The food was better. I got my fill'a all kinds 'o stuff. Even the gas smelled delicious later on.

Site Information (READ ME!) / How to write for Yikes! Customer Reviews
« on: April 28, 2019, 01:49:00 AM »
"Yikes!" is a location and event review service like the real-world website "Yelp".


Please note: You should get an idea of what the location or event is before replying with a review. Please try to stay in-theme for the original post. For example, if someone posts a thread about a haunted doll shop, don't respond with: "A MUD CREATURE CRAWLED OUTTA THEIR TOILET!!!" - try to stick to the business type, and it's a generally good idea not to go too outlandish/wild.

Template for new threads:

Code: [Select]
[b][color=orange]Business Name: [/color][/b]

[b][color=orange]Owner/Proprietor: [/color][/b]

[b][color=orange]Description: [/color][/b]

Template for replies:

Code: [Select]
[b][color=orange]Rating: [/color][/b] ★★★★★

[b][color=orange]Customer:[/color][/b] CUSTOMERNAMEHERE

[b][color=orange]Review:[/color][/b] REVIEWHERE

Feel free to remove ★ symbols at the end for bad reviews and replace them with ☆ symbols. Max should be 5 stars (full and/or empty) total so it doesn't get crazy.

Example: ★★★☆☆

Yikes! Customer Reviews / Bubba Schitt's Family Slophouse
« on: April 28, 2019, 12:49:41 AM »
Business Name: Bubba Schitt's Family Shophouse

Owner/Proprietor: Bubba Ulysses Schitt Jr. the 3rd

Description: Come on down to Bubba Schitt's family slophouse! If you're hungry and lookin' for someplace to eat... if you're lookin' for anywhere to eat... just come on down and see your ol' pal Bubba Schitt. We got somethin' for the whole family. Dad? Look here, you can nibble on this loaf. Momma? Get yourself some'a this chili. Don't be shy, dig on in! Get yourself some'a that! The kids? Don't even ask me about them kids. The kids get lil' eeny-weeny cups o' somethin'. Bubba Schitt's family slophouse - where the prices are low, and so are the seats and tables.

Be sure to like us on Facebook!

The CRP Institute / CRP-0427, Angry Clipart
« on: March 16, 2019, 11:56:43 PM »

(A screenshot of CRP-0427 after being closed for 30 days.)

Item Number: CRP-0427

Danger Level: Off-Putting

Restraining Directives: CRP-0427 is kept in a folder named "New Folder (27)" on computer terminal JJ-10 in CRP computer lab ███-████. It is to be displayed on a monitor at all times.

Description: CRP-0427 is a PNG format image file depicting various stock images of objects and models. The image depicted by CRP-0427 changes on occasion, seeming to follow a course of events set in a separate "world" within the image file itself. For example, CRP-0427 may depict a single bowl of cereal on a white backdrop in the morning. It may then switch to two smiling young women enjoying lunch at a country club by noon. Images are static and do not move, however the image will alter itself when it isn't being watched. CRP-0427 has been noted to change during the span of a blink.

Human beings depicted by CRP-0427 change randomly, and at this time it is not known if they ever appear more than once. Objects, on the other hand, repeat often. In fact, multiple copy/paste-style instances of the same object may appear in the same scenario. Models and objects always appear to be poorly edited together with little to no visible attempt at making the scenes appear natural.

When CRP-0427 is closed for any reason, its "inhabitants" become enraged and will be depicted in an agitated state when the image file is re-opened. Minor discontent may be expressed by a single model looking toward the viewer with a displeased expression. The longer the file is closed, however, the more models appear in a gradually increased state of outrage. Power outages and system crashes are (quite unfairly) treated the same as a purposeful closing of the file.

CRP-0427 was downloaded from [REDACTED].com for use in a CRP Institute newsletter. When its anomalous properties were discovered, white hat hackers associated with CRP permanently removed it from the website. The only known instance of this file is now in CRP custody.

Screenshots and photos of CRP-0427 do not display any anomalous properties.

Further Information: [Pending...]

The CRP Institute / CRP-0024, Flip-Out Flip-Book
« on: March 12, 2019, 01:26:24 AM »
Item Number: CRP-0024

Danger Level: Pretty Bad

Restraining Directives: Object is to be kept on the shelf of inappropriate literature in containment library 12-C.

Description: This is a small flip-book with "FLIP-OUT FRANK" emblazoned on the cover in red, scratchy lettering. When flipping the book back-to-front (as is standard), animated scenes of a round little man in a business suit will appear. The scenario changes between uses, but all center on this small man, presumed to be "Frank", suffering some sort of unpleasant event. This includes scenes such as a broken-down car, a lost wallet, and a blow to the head from a falling flower pot. After each event, "Frank" will thrash on the ground. Flipping the book backward (the incorrect manner) appears to reveal a separate animation to the user, which cannot be perceived by anyone not holding the book. After the animation has concluded, the user exclaims "Poor Frank!" and immediately collapses to floor, thrashing wildly before slipping into a comatose state.

Further Information:  The follow entries provide a brief example of story lines that have been recorded by researchers. Backward story lines seemingly cannot be explained by the user, and needless to say they cannot be described when the user is comatose.

Researcher: Dr. P.M. Wibbles
Story Title: "Let Me Bee Frank"
Plot: Frank wants honey for his toast. Finding none in the kitchen, he proceeds to harass a bee's nest. He is stung several times before falling to the ground and thrashing in apparent agony.

Researcher: Dr. H.M. Krimpet
Story Title: "Frank's On Empty"
Plot: Frank runs out of gas in a small desert town and is violently beaten by mutant rednecks. He is doused with gasoline, set on fire, and left thrashing in apparent agony.

Researcher: Dr. L.L. Lullaby
Story Title: "Frank and Stein"
Plot: Frank orders a beer at a bar, and is served a poisonous chemical by a mad scientist bartender. He vomits repeatedly, then falls onto the floor and thrashes in apparent agony.

Researcher: Dr. O.S. Chambermail
Story Title: "Happy Franksgiving"
Plot: Frank joins a group of characters, presumed to be his family, for a traditional Thanksgiving holiday dinner. After he is surprised to find no food is being served, Frank is struck on the head with a meat tenderizer. He wakes up on the table, as a prepared turkey with a human head. He thrashes in apparent agony as he is carved.

Testing with pages torn or cut out of the book is pending approval.

The Game "Two Crude Dudes" Was Based on a True Story. Mine. And Another Dude's.

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